iscover
North Pole cargo airline JingleJet has been rescued from administration by a Halloween-based firm.
Buyer Scare T has scooped up JingleJet’s gift-delivery operations – including its sole reindeer-powered sleigh aircraft – for an undisclosed sum that is thought to have involved several buckets of candy, with insiders telling Australian Aviation that full-sized Mars bars were included.
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JingleJet entered administration last December due to skyrocketing costs largely tied to former CEO Santa Claus’ decision to invest in an expensive 747 freighter for gift deliveries.
“It’s hard to boo this deal, which will keep JingleJet flying to good little children all over the world,” said administrators Caspar, Balthazar & Melchior (CB&M) in a statement.
“We thank the North Pole government for its support of this deal, as well as the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future, who proved vital intermediaries with Scare T’s own spectral negotiators.”
While Scare T has little experience in gift delivery operations, the company is widely known for its logistics expertise in tricks and treats, being the world’s largest distributor of both Halloween candy and fake rubber spiders.
According to chief operating officer Greta Pumpkin, Scare T is excited for the new opportunity to branch out into another holiday.
“We at Scare T will continue the global rapid air freight service that JingleJet has become renowned for over the years, albeit probably with more cobwebs and creepy cackling to ensure it aligns with our well-established brand identity,” she said.
“We also want to assure employees and customers that we have no intention of selling or disassembling either Santa’s sleigh or its accompanying reindeer.
“Quite the contrary – we’re aiming to bring deceased reindeer back into service, thus expanding JingleJet’s capacity, by turning them into zombies, vampires, and/or Frankensteins, as appropriate.”
The Santa’s Workshop Union (SWU) has welcomed the news that JingleJet will be saved, but has reiterated calls for employee protections, with transport secretary Blitzen warning that any takeover without lasting changes may just be a “sugar hit” that will “leave a big tummy ache in the morning”.
“If we want to avoid a nightmare before Christmas, Scare T needs to assure JingleJet’s workers that their pay and conditions will be respected,” the spokesdeer said.
“In particular, we are alarmed at reports that hardworking ground handling staff may be replaced by cheap, outsourced, spooky scary skeleton crews, and that holiday penalty rates may be slashed to levels that can only be described as ‘fun-sized’.
“Our members will not accept being paid in peanuts, or for that matter candy corn, fruit, Bounty bars, or any other gross stuff that grandmas put in your trick-or-treat bags. We demand fair wages, job security, and – we cannot stress this enough – figgy pudding.”
Claus was unavailable for comment.
